Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
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Do I have a choice?
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I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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