So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
