it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
