i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
