We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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