ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
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2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
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I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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