Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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