Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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