Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
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I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
foreskin is a definite game changer
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Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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