Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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