why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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