Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
a search helicopter?!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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