Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
