Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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