I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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