listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just gift wrapped bread.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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