Define "chronic" masturbator.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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