we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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