I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize