i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
