My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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