Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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