I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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