Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
