There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
