I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
