Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
