you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
