I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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