Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize