apparently the secret to your success is patron
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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