you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
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I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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