i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
