my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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