Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
