i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
