my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
