My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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