question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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