Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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