The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize