i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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