So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
