I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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