can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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