around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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