evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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