I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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