Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
