i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
