she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
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her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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