Please, let me fuck your mom
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
