I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
