umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize