One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
