My room smells like vodka and shame
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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