Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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