It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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