Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
as a side note pls kill me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
