Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
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This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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