You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
