Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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