naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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