new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
