I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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