the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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