I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
