I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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