don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
