I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize