Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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