She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
