he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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