ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
