I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
