Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
