It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
