Hey man sorry I got all grabby
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
