FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
