Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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